Last night over dinner with friends, the topic of coping with pushy friends came up. They are your friends that mean well but may come across as a bit aggressive with their advice to you. My suggestions are (I am probably as “guilty” as anyone else on being a pushy friend at times):
1) Stay calm and don’t get upset.
2) Don’t get pressurized.
3) Take a deep breath and smile with confidence.
4) Thank them for their suggestions/reminders/concerns.
5) Use “I” in your conversation to emphasize that you are the one who makes the decision. For example, “I will take care of it in my own time/when the time is right, thanks.”
6) Last resort – Tell them calmly and FIRMLY that it is your own decision and responsibility as much as they are concerned about your situation.

Good luck :>

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.44):
Empathy is the ability to “read other people’s cues to their psychological and emotional states. Some of us are adept at interpreting what psychologists call the non-verbals of others – their facial expressions, their tone of voice, their body language – and determining what people are thinking and feeling.”

This factor is in particular important in relationships as we all need to feel understand and valued at different levels depending on individuals. Empathy is also a key element to build rapport with others.

Early this week I went to the annual medical check-up. When reviewing my medical test results and figures, the doctor told me according to statistics based on my age, ethnicity and geographic residence, my probability of a heart-attack in the next 10 years is 3.1% vs. the group average of 3.4%. He said he was pleased with my result. I responded that my figure was only marginally better. He said with a grin, “You have already beat those that are dead by your age!”. Well, that is a survivorship bias here, nevertheless I found myself speechless upon the “encouragement” given by him :s

Last weekend I took the TGV train from Frankfurt to Strasbourg for a visit. My original direct train of 2 hours turned into 4 hours with 3 transfers including a bus ride due to track problem. Despite the delay, I felt grateful to a few good German Samaritans who helped me as I don’t understand German to figure out how to make the train connections.

One railway staff was very kind to literally push me to the front of a long queue and explained to the “ready-to-explode” travelers on the queue that my case was urgent (at least that was how interpreted it). In addition, the railway company handed out FREE bottles of water and energy snack bars for the “suffering” passengers.

Despite the misfortune of delay, the touch of humanity made it almost bearable :>

I visited Rotterdam last weekend and was very much inspired by the history of the city. Because of its strategic position as the major port in the Netherlands, it was targeted at the second world war and bombed close to the ground. However, when it was time to rebuild the city, they decided to apply avant garde and modern architecture. Nowadays Rotterdam is a vibrant and young city (fueled by the presence of University of Rotterdam) known for its modern architecture.

In our personal life, sometimes we may reach “rock bottom” and need to start all over again. Let’s learn from Rotterdam and take that opportunity to reinvent ourselves into someone different and remarkable.

Recently a few people have told me about their experience of what we called “a backhand compliment”. In my own words, it means an apparent compliment with a subtle negative connotation/meaning behind it. Take an extreme example, someone “compliments” an American saying “your English is as good as the English.”
Well, my advice:
1) Take a compliment as its face value first. Every compliment has an element of praise and goodness.
2) Don’t over analyze it. It is not good for your soul to dwell on it. Moving on.
3) Say thank you to the giver of compliment as he/she made the effort to offer it to you.
4) Finally, yes-you deserve the compliment.
The more the merrier 🙂

Last week I watched the new movie American Assassin with high expectation. Unfortunately, I was almost “killed” by disappointment.

Without disclosing too much of the plot in case some of my blog readers may see it despite my negative review. (Don’t say I did not warn you!) I will summarize in a few words: Banality (plot and characters), recycling of other movies, average actings (except Michael Keaton) and action sequences. I think I made my point.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.41-43)
“Casual analysis is a term we use to refer to people’s ability to accurately identify the causes of their problems” “… the most resilient people are those who have cognitive flexibility and can identify all the significant causes of adversities they face, without being trapped in any specific explanatory style. They are realists in that they do not ignore the factors that are permanent and pervasive. They also don’t reflexively blame others for their mistakes in order to preserve their self-esteem or absolve themselves of guilt. Nor do they waste their valuable reserves of resilience ruminating about events or circumstances outside their control. They channel their problem-solving resources into the factors that they can control, and, through incremental change, they begin to overcome, steer through, and reach out.”

Critical and objective thinking is important to identify the causes of problems. In addition, discussing with others (friends and family or a life coach) may help.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.40 & p.56)
“Resilient people are optimistic. They believe that things can change for the better. They have hope for the future and believe that they control the direction of their lives.” “Realistic optimism is the ability to maintain a positive outlook without denying reality, actively appreciating the positive aspects of a situation without ignoring the negative aspects. It means aspiring and hoping for positive outcomes, and working toward those outcomes, without assuming that those outcomes are a foregone conclusion. Realistic optimism does not assume that good things will happen automatically. It is the belief that good things may happen and are worth pursuing but that effort, problem solving, and planning are necessary to bring them about.”

Being realistically optimistic means you believe better results will arrive if you work hard and make an effort to achieve. You will find a solution if things don’t work out as you hoped for.

A friend of mine has recently beset with some minor ailments without apparent causes even after consulting his family doctor. That reminded me of a book I read last year called “The body has a mind of its own” by Sandra Blakeslee and Matthew Blakeslee. In a nutshell, the book suggests that our (physical) body can “think” and react in a way sometimes different than our mind and/or emotion.
I am not an expert in that field, but I boldly advised my friend on the following points:
1) Reflect on what happened to him recently (such as work, family, relationship and world). The technique of mindfulness can be useful here.
2) Thank his body for sending out warning signals (in terms of minor ailments). It can be much worse if he does not pay attention to his body. Don’t get upset at his body. It is doing its job.
3) Ask his body gently how to restore its stability. Wait patiently and listen attentively for answer(s). It could be sleeping more, going for a walk, listening to his favorite music and enjoying his favorite/comfort food. (This is on top of seeking medical advice from his doctor).
4) Allow time to establish a conversation with his body and let his body restore to normal condition.
5) Appreciate this opportunity to develop an additional tool (a dialogue with his body) for a better health (physical, psychological and mental).