During my trip to Hong Kong, I had breakfast with a high school friend who holds a senior position in the field of social work. We talked about the “old” days and how things are today. She made a thought-provoking comment – “Our destiny is determined, to a certain extent, by our personality.”

My friend elaborated that there are opportunities in life for everyone and the way we act upon them creates a chain of reactions which ultimately leads to our destiny. In addition, our attitude towards seeking opportunities as well as crisis management reflect our personalities. There are other factors that affect our destiny. However, if we (never too late) want to change the course of our destiny, our personality may be an area of interest and significant impact.

Last Friday, I left for Hong Kong right after work from London. After passing through the security check at the Heathrow airport, I realized that I had lost my employee i.d. card. There were a few possibilities including the car service and airline check-in counter.
I phoned the car service and nothing was found. After that, I went to the Cathy Pacific lounge and the staff was very kind to call the check-in counters. After 3 minutes, she reported that “Someone must be watching over you. Your card has been found!”. The reassurance of “someone is watching over me” is more rewarding than finding my card:)

For the next 2 weeks, I will be visiting Hong Kong catching up with my friends and family there.
Some of my friends are my childhood friends that I have known for decades.
I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to pose some thought-provoking questions as well as obtain some feedback from them.
1) What is one of important lessons learned in your life?
2) What is one of memorable moments in your life?
3) In facing changes and uncertainties in life, what are the key elements to succeed from your own experience?
4) If you won a lottery of 5 million USD, what would you do?
5) If you had only 1 year more to live, what would you do?
6) (Feedback): Based on your knowledge of me (Raymond), please name one of my strengths.
7) (Feedback): Based on your knowledge of me (Raymond), please name one of my areas of improvement.
8) (Feedback): Please offer one word of advice (to Raymond).

Look out – Raymond is going to “pick your brain”!

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.46), the last of the 7 factors is reaching out.
“Resilience also enables us to enhance the positive aspects of life. Resilience is the source of our ability to reach out, and a surprising number of people can’t do it”

There are various reasons for not reaching out. For some people, it may be a matter of trust. For others, it may be an issue of pride. The list can go on. Recently, I have discussed with a friend of starting a club of Positive Energy for the like-minded people (tribe) to encourage each other as well as expand the positive circle of influence. Free membership :>

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a good friend’s wedding. When I arrived, I “bumped” into an acquaintance that I did not see for years. He was with his partner (a young lady). He introduced her to me and asked if I invited anyone to the wedding. I replied, “No, I am happily single”. He looked at me with such disbelief (with a trace of condescension) and said “Really?”. I smiled and said, “REALLY! I am as content and complete, being single or in a relationship.” Fortunately (or unfortunately) someone joined the group and changed the topic and a debate was avoided.

It was not the first time (and won’t be the last) I felt being patronized for being single by people that are married or partnered. I am genuinely very happy for their relationships, but honestly I don’t feel (and should not) inferior nor incomplete because of my own marital status. To me, there should not be a hierarchy of happiness based on your marital status. Happiness is a very subjective and private matter. We should have the freedom to define and enjoy our own happiness. Let us be free and respected.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.45):
“Self-efficacy is our sense that we are effective in the world. It represents our beliefs that we can solve the problems we are likely to experience and our faith in our in our ability to succeed.” “At work, people who have faith in their ability to solve problems emerge as leaders, while those who aren’t confident about their efficacy find themselves lost in the crowd.”

It usually means the person has a strong sense of independence and self-confidence. He/She tends to build on their successes and learn from his/her mistakes to improve his/her efficacy.

Last night over dinner with friends, the topic of coping with pushy friends came up. They are your friends that mean well but may come across as a bit aggressive with their advice to you. My suggestions are (I am probably as “guilty” as anyone else on being a pushy friend at times):
1) Stay calm and don’t get upset.
2) Don’t get pressurized.
3) Take a deep breath and smile with confidence.
4) Thank them for their suggestions/reminders/concerns.
5) Use “I” in your conversation to emphasize that you are the one who makes the decision. For example, “I will take care of it in my own time/when the time is right, thanks.”
6) Last resort – Tell them calmly and FIRMLY that it is your own decision and responsibility as much as they are concerned about your situation.

Good luck :>

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.44):
Empathy is the ability to “read other people’s cues to their psychological and emotional states. Some of us are adept at interpreting what psychologists call the non-verbals of others – their facial expressions, their tone of voice, their body language – and determining what people are thinking and feeling.”

This factor is in particular important in relationships as we all need to feel understand and valued at different levels depending on individuals. Empathy is also a key element to build rapport with others.

Early this week I went to the annual medical check-up. When reviewing my medical test results and figures, the doctor told me according to statistics based on my age, ethnicity and geographic residence, my probability of a heart-attack in the next 10 years is 3.1% vs. the group average of 3.4%. He said he was pleased with my result. I responded that my figure was only marginally better. He said with a grin, “You have already beat those that are dead by your age!”. Well, that is a survivorship bias here, nevertheless I found myself speechless upon the “encouragement” given by him :s

Last weekend I took the TGV train from Frankfurt to Strasbourg for a visit. My original direct train of 2 hours turned into 4 hours with 3 transfers including a bus ride due to track problem. Despite the delay, I felt grateful to a few good German Samaritans who helped me as I don’t understand German to figure out how to make the train connections.

One railway staff was very kind to literally push me to the front of a long queue and explained to the “ready-to-explode” travelers on the queue that my case was urgent (at least that was how interpreted it). In addition, the railway company handed out FREE bottles of water and energy snack bars for the “suffering” passengers.

Despite the misfortune of delay, the touch of humanity made it almost bearable :>