The timing could not have been better. I was working on a blog to conclude this mini blog on more mature people in the modern world as well as my last blog for the year. I came across an article in the current issue of the Time magazine (17-Dec-2018) featuring the 41st US President George Herbert Walker Bush who has passed away recently.

The article is called “What the 42st president taught us” by Richard Haass. “Bush also exemplified how there is nothing you cannot accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit. Bush understood that his presidency was temporary, that public service was a noble calling, that politics can unite. But that requires a willingness to compromise, to see those on the other side as opponents – not enemies – and to put shared love of the country before all else.”

To echo that, I think being more mature, we can be more “generous” with our credit and more willing to pass it onto others (deserve it or not). Don’t let “who is getting the credit” get in the way of achieving our goal and sometimes compromise may be needed. I recall an ex-colleague once took me aside after a long group meeting and said, “Raymond, it is so refreshing to work with more mature people like you that don’t always cling onto who is getting the credit!” . I took it as a compliment. To me, accomplishing the goal is more important personally than getting the credit.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year.
All the best in 2019 and beyond :>

I am back from my vacation (it has been a while) and let us continue on this topic. I actually have gained more insights by discussing this very subject with some of my friends during my vacation. The next element on my list is the suggestion that people with more experience tend to possess a greater appreciation and understanding of diversity and difference.
This may be a controversial point as some people may argue that more mature people may be more “set in their own ways”.
I would argue that for a person with the SAME degree of open-mindedness (not sure if such term exists yet), with more life experiences to various people and encounters would enable him/her to evaluate as well as come up with different opinions. Furthermore, they may have experiences similar to the current situation and/or the realization that there can be more than one viable solution to a problem.

The fifth element is having a deep sense of balance. I think having more experience in life often helps people put things in perspective as well as look at things beyond the immediate future. Some people may call this attribute stillness and solidness of one’s character. In other words, more mature people tend to have a greater capacity to “weather the storm”. They probably have encountered something similar in life that they (hopefully) have learned a lesson or two which can come in handy when life gets tough at times.
Hold your ground and breathe deep into the diaphragm – Yes, you can!

Self-understanding and reflection constitute the fourth element that I would like to discuss.
The more experienced people can look back in their own longer histories (on work and life) and reflect on what has worked and what can be improved on.
Assuming the same state of mind, we do have more experience and lessons to be drawn on when we are faced with challenges and problems.
Having said that, it should not stop us from being creative in seeking new solutions.
Use it wisely.

The third element that I would like to highlight is the sense of inner security from the more seasoned people.
What I meant is the security and confidence built by your years (decades for some) of experience accumulated at work and in life.
You have already accomplished something being worked and lived for “so long” :> As they said, “you must have done something right to get this far in life.”
One can always do better or worse and personal accomplishment itself can be quite subjective. Regardless of what – You should give yourself “a pat on your shoulder” and walk tall.

Continuing on my previous blog, I think the second important point is networking.
Everything being equal, a more seasoned professional should have a bigger network of colleagues, friends and family.
We should take advantage of that and make the best out of it.
Our network is extremely crucial for getting feedback, support and referral for new opportunities.
Take it seriously and don’t miss out on the power of network that we spent years (if not decades :>) to build.

A few friends of mine have reached the age of “seasoned” professionals (we won’t mention names and please don’t ask neither :>) and the subject of how to add value to the company/team made of younger people and co-exist with them peacefully has become a common topic.
I believe I blogged on a related subject (Mature vs. Young) last year, but I am not going to re-read it (readers are welcome to do so) in order to provide a fresh look.
#1) Accept this phenomenon as a fact and
it is happening to you (or will happen to you a day – if you live and work long enough :>). Yes, please read it again – facts are facts. As a side joke, last year during my annual health check-up, my family doctor was reviewing the results with me against the statistics. Being Raymond, I said “Oh, my results are only average despite the effort I made (honestly not the best effort) :< (my facial expression literally)". He replied, "Well, you have done quite well because some people have already died at YOUR age and they are not included in the health statistics of your age group. So you are actually better than the statistics here!" I was left speechless (a rare occurrence). On that high note, this topic to be continued...

Sometimes insights arrive at a time and place least expected. I was browsing through a French magazine while waiting for the Eurostar door to open at the London train station on my return trip from Paris to London last week. An interview of the famous actress Isabelle Adjani caught my attention. Her new movie has just came out. I am far from a fan of hers as all the characters she portrayed are quite disturbed which often time (not always) is a reflection of the actor/actress’s own experiences.
What stroke me was she said she is now acting as the “parent” of her parents in addition to having 2 children of her own though she claimed that she did not receive the parental love she wanted in her own childhood. Her statement showed a lot of maturity and made me think the meaning of “parenting” one’s parents.
To put the question differently: How do parents (normally-to use this word loosely) take care of his/her child? A couple of thoughts came to my mind though I am not a parent myself.
1) Loads of patience: Often time, children don’t understand the situation they are in, sometimes due to their mental and physical developments, and parents need to explain to them patiently again and again. Do we have the same degree of patience towards our parents as they may be slowing down in their mental and physical abilities?
2) Love unconditionally: Parental love is the strongest love of all. When the table is turned to “parent” our parents, can we apply the same degree of love reciprocally?
Food for thoughts.

I had a coffee with a friend of mine today and the subject of favoritism was brought up.
The question is how to deal with favoritism when you were not the recipient in particular it was a “favor” you were hoping for.
The key points are:
#1) Be happy (genuinely) for the person who has received the favor. He or she probably needs it as much as you do.
#2) Be non-judgmental about the “favor-granter” as he/she probably has a reason for it. Please don’t second guess the reason.
#3) Stay calm and don’t over-think about the chance of your own situation.
#4) Talk to a trusted friend or family about it. Sometimes it helps to verbalize how you feel.
#5) Avoid being bitter about it. Reflect on the dynamics of the system (meaning the team/organization/group/family) in particular how favour is granted.
#6) Reflect on other ways that you can gain that “favor” or achieve the same outcome. There are usually more than one way to Rome as they say.
#7) Don’t lose hope/faith. Your time will come soon.

From the Action Calendar created by www.actionforhappiness.org:
My selection for last week:
* Turn off your phone and give people your full attention.
* Look for the good side in everyone you meet today.
* Give away a book that you found inspiring or helpful.
* Start friendly conversations with people you don’t know.