I went to a café last week with my French colleague and the staff asked him if he is French and added he could tell by his accent. My colleague was furious and thought the staff was rude picking on his accent.
I told him not to get upset for 2 reasons:
First, I had a different theory. I think pointing out the accent may be a way for people to start a conversation (though it may not be a very sensitive way as some people are upset about it). When I travel to another country, some shopkeepers usually start saying “hello” to be either in Japanese or Mandarin (neither of them is my mother tongue which is Cantonese) even before I open my mouth. I doubt if they wanted to offend me because they did want me to make a purchase. Therefore, I think some people do try to make a connection by saying “Hello” in what they thought was your native language or asking where you are from.
Second, everyone speaks with an accent. For example, in the U.S., there are Texas, New York, Bronx, Brooklyn and California accents while in the U.K. there are Liverpool, Oxbridge, Essex and Cockney accents to name a few. I agree that communication needs to clear but there should not be a social hierarchy related to one’s accent. One should not feel inferior because he/she speaks with a foreign accent and the native speakers should not feel superior because of their mother tongue.
My humble advice:
For speakers:
1) Speak slowly and clearly.
2) Articulate more.
3) Don’t lose confidence which will worsen your speech.
4) It takes two parties to establish a successful communication. Don’t assume it is your fault that the listener did not understand you.
For listeners:
1) Have patience and make an effort to understand.
2) Don’t switch off automatically because the speaker has an accent different from yours.
3) Clarify and confirm your understanding.
4) Appreciate the speaker making an effort to speak your native language. Imagine the reverse.

To paraphrase the eight major component of enjoyment defined by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly (p.49 of his book Flow).
1) We have a chance of completing those tasks.
2) We must be able to concentrate on what we are doing.
3) The task has clear goals.
4) The task provides immediate feedback
5) We act with a deep but effortless involvement that removes worries and frustrations of our daily life from our awareness.
6) The task allows us to exercise a sense of control over our actions.
7) Loss of self-consciousness.
8) The sense of duration of time is altered; hours pass by in minutes, and minutes can stretch out to feel like hours.

“Pleasure is a feeling of contentment that one achieves whenever information in consciousness says that expectations set by biological programs or by social conditioning have been met.”

“Enjoyment is characterized by this forward movement: by a sense of novelty, of accomplishment” (p.45-46, Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly)

Continuing on the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, the author provided some interesting aspects of happiness (p.2-3)

“Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy”

“The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

A bit intellectual, but it is food for thought.

Happy Chinese New Year to All!

Wish the year of the Sheep/Goat/Ram will bring you joy, peace, love, good health and happiness :>

Traditionally, the Chinese New Year’s Eve dinner is the MOST important dinner in the entire year. It is the time that a family got together for dinner to say goodbye to one year and welcome a new one collectively.

Living abroad for a long time I was not planning to do anything special tonight. It just happened (by the God’s grace) that a friend from an evening course suggested a group dinner at her flat tonight as this week is a half-term in the U.K. To top it off, there were 8 people at the table. 8 being a lucky number representing prosperity, I think we are heading off to a great start :>

In the introduction of the book (p.12 of Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi), I found a funny analogy that made me laugh on the subject of ageing. “Like waiters in a restaurant starting to place breakfast settings on the surrounding tables while one is still having dinner, these intimations of mortality plainly communicate the message: Your time is up, it’s time to move on.”

Actually I have a different picture in my mind that I have shared with some friends before. The picture is: I am on a train ride and enjoy it so much that I refused to get off at the various stops that most people normally do.

Put it in the context of Mihaly’s analog, I will enjoy my dinner as long as I want to. For all I care, the waiters can set other tables for breakfast to their hearts’ content.

Simply put, I think whatever meal you are having, as long as you enjoy it, keep it that way and let no one spoil your mood.

On the subject of motivation and drive, I am reading a book called Flow written by the renowned psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the United States.

First, let us define what Flow is and then I will offer my thoughts based on the content of the book which is considered as a classic on the subject. According to Mihaly (p.6), “’Flow’ is the way people describe their state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered, and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake.”

I have just started reading the book and thus, the upcoming blogs will be based on my daily readings. Hopefully it won’t take too long to finish.

In this weekend’s edition of Financial Times, columnist Harry Eyres reflected on his once-in-25-year school reunion. In his Slow Lane column, he wrote “The reunion was characterized by warmth and a sort of heartiness. With age, people generally get kinder and a touch less painfully shy. No one seemed to have returned to settle scores.”

I agreed with him PARTIALLY. In my opinion, as one gets older, one has a choice between becoming a grumpy old man or a mellowed and kinder person. It is a decision that one has to make, consciously or subconsciously. I think as one matures, one needs to make an effort to focus on the positive things in life and let go of things including past incidents that we can’t change. Forget, forgive and open up heart and mind to march on the path of maturity.

Today is Valentine’s day. Though I am against being a victim of commercialization, it is good to have another occasion to appreciate our loved ones. We can make every day of our lives a Valentile’s day, but for today, we can “go with the flow” and enjoy the “love in the air” atmosphere without being ripped off by overpaying for flowers and chocolate. Be creative and come up with other small tokens of love and often time, the simplest way works the best.

The phrase “I love you” has magical power and can work wonders :>