I was in Paris last week for 4 days. As most of my friends know, I am a BIG fan of Paris which remains my favorite city (sorry, London and New York, I can’t help it as people said “love is blind”, so there we are). Due to the promotion of my book in London (actually I sold 5 copies during this trip), my last time in Paris was 6 months ago. In the past 6 months, the Louis Vuitton Foundation has opened and the weather has turned more agreeable.

As I left my friends’ house last Sat night after dinner, I told them that I will be back before the summer. I noticed a unique facial expression, a mix of surprise and shock, on their faces. Hmmm – will see if I mange to self-invite myself for dinner next time (self-invitation is a new talent that I have developed recently).

Last week I attended a conference in Paris and one of presentations was on ageing world population by Dr. Joe Coughlin of AgeLab at MIT in the U.S.

It is not a big surprise that with the advance of medicine and technology we have redefined longevity. It is estimated that an average baby-bloomer will live close to 100 years old. Dr. Coughlin pointed out that more and more people are going back to university after their official retirement to retrain themselves. In addition, there is shortage of experienced staff in many professions that experience is highly valued such as engineering and medicine.

As I walked out of the conference, I saw an increasing demand of research and work on late-adult learning. “Naturally” I also see the application of my book and perhaps a need for a sequel :>

The book Flow ends with an introduction of the idea of having life theme in one’s life.

“The life theme, like a game that prescribes the rules and actions one must follow to experience flow, identifies what will make existence enjoyable. With a life theme, everything that happens will have a meaning – not necessarily a positive one, but a meaning nevertheless.” (p.230)

“The problem of meaning will then be resolved as the individual’s purpose merges with the universal flow” (p.240)

As we are drawing close to the end of the book Flow, here is a quick summary to cultivate and foster flow in oneself:

1)      Setting goals: To be able to experience flow, one must have clear goals to strive for. (p.209)

2)      Becoming immersed in the activity: After choosing a system of action, a person with an autotelic personality grows deeply involved with whatever he is doing. (p.210)

3)      Paying attention to what is happening: Concentration leads to involvement, which can only be maintained by constant inputs of attention.(p.211)

4)      Learning to enjoy immediate experience. The outcome of having au autotelic self-of learning to set goals, to develop skills, to be sensitive to feedback, to know how to concentrate and get involved – is that one can enjoy life even when objective circumstances are brutish and nasty.(p.212-3)

Today I went to a workshop on how to give constructive and effective feedback.
The trainer recommended a good framework called SCARF to assess the emotional “buttons” of the recipient. It can be used to avoid sending the recipient down the downward emotional spiral if we know what is important to him/her.
S = Status – my relative importance to others
C = Certainty – my ability to predict the future
A = Autonomy – my sense of control over the future
R = Relatedness – authenticity, my sense of safety with others (in group/out group)
F = Fairness – my sense of a fair exchange

This advice by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly on how to transform a seemingly hopeless situation into a new flow activity came in handy as I was experiencing some “down moment” lately. There are three main steps:
1) Unselfconcious self-assurance (p.203-4)
“This attitude occurs when a person no longer sees himself in opposition to the environment, as an individual who insists that his goals, his intentions take precedence over everything else. Instead, he feels a part of whatever goes on around him, and tires to do his best within the system in which he must operate.”
2) Focusing attention on the world (p.204-5)
“They are not expending all their energy trying to satisfy what they believe to be their needs, or worrying about socially conditioned desires. Instead their attention is alert, constantly processing information from their surroundings. The focus is still set by the person’s goal, but it is open enough to notice and adapt to external events even if they are not directly relevant to what he wants to accomplish”
3) The discovery of new solutions (p.207)
“There are basically two ways to cope with a situation that creates psychic entropy. One is to focus attention on the obstacles to achieving one’s goals and then to move them out of the way, thereby restoring harmony in consciousness. This is the direct approach. The other is to focus on the entire situation, including oneself, to discover whether alternative goals may not be more appropriate, and thus different solutions possible.”

Two good insights from the chapter “Enjoying Solitude and Other People” from the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly.
1) We as human beings are made to live in community and have relationships with others such as family, friends and marriage. Our lives can be enriched through these relationships.
2) We also need to know how to handle and benefit from solitude. “Learning to use time alone, instead of escaping from it, is especially important in our early years. Teenagers who can’t bear solitude disqualify themselves from later carrying out adult tasks that require serious mental preparation” (p.171)

Here are the answers:
1) “Lose your bottle” – If someone loses their bottle, they lose the courage to do something.
2) “Sound as a pound” – If something is as sound as a pound, it is very good or reliable.
3) “Talking the hind legs off a donkey” – Talk too much
4) “Throw a cat among the pigeons” – This metaphor paints a pretty clear picture; it means to say or do something that will cause a chaotic disturbance among a group.
5) “Back to Blighty” – Back to Britain
6) “As snug as a bug (in a rug)” – Very cosy
7) “Cat’s pyjamas” – A highly sought-after and fancy example of something, usually referring to inanimate objects.
8) “Donkey’s years” – Long time

It is time for the second round of British expressions.

1) “Lose your bottle”
2) “Sound as a pound”
3) “Talking the hind legs off a donkey”
4) “Throw a cat among the pigeons”
5) “Back to Blighty”
6) “As snug as a bug (in a rug)”
7) “Cat’s pyjamas”
8) “Donkey’s years”

Answers will arrive tomorrow :>

Instead of quoting from the book Flow, I have decided to use a different source on the topic of work.
“[Work] should be looked upon, not as a necessary drudgery to be undergone for the purpose of making money, but as a way of life in which the nature of man should find its proper exercise and delight and so fulfil itself to the glory of God. That it should, in fact, be thought of as a creative activity undertaken for the love of the work itself; and that man, made in God’s image, should make things, as God makes them, for the sake of doing well that is well worth doing.” — Dorothy Sayers, Creed or Chaos p.89