I would like to share some insights from a key figure in the field of Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goldman based on his book titled Focus – The Hidden Driver of Excellence. He quotes the organizational psychologist Marcial Losada in his book and suggests “Analyzing hundreds of terms, Losada determined that the most effective had a positive/negative ratio of at least 2.9 good feelings to every negative moment”(p.173). That is roughly 30% (bad vs. good).

To extrapolate that ratio (approx. 30%) into the space of a week: I can accept 2 bad days if I have 5 good days. I am usually happy on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. That means from Monday to Thursday, I should have the capacity to “survive” 2 bad days. In other words, I need to make sure that I have at least 2 good days during Monday and Thursday to stay at my top performance assuming my weekend plus Friday are good.

According to some networking experts, networking should start with the intention of giving rather than merely seeing others as means and leads to what you want to go. People tend to remember those who helped them in the past and put them in the “good book”. Don’t be short-sighted and only focus on people that can offer you immediate help. In the world of give-and-take, you never know when you need help from others.

I went to a farewell drink of a colleague last night. I told her that I actually had dinner plan previously scheduled and thus I could not be able to stay too long. She told me not to worry and taught me a new phrase that “Thank you for going”. With that new phrase fresh in my mind, I left and headed off to my dinner with a clear conscience.

I have thought long and hard about my original 12-month sales target of 1,000 copies and decided to make 300 copies as a milestone. Having a full-time job and taking 3 courses after work, I think I need to make my goal realistic and achievable.

Today for the first time I lent a copy of my book to someone who expressed some difficulty in preparing for an exam. I pointed her to section 2 of my book that focuses on the practical aspect of adult-learning with specific exercises and examples to help her.

I hope that she will find the book useful (purchasing the book is of secondary importance) :>

I was in Paris last week for 4 days. As most of my friends know, I am a BIG fan of Paris which remains my favorite city (sorry, London and New York, I can’t help it as people said “love is blind”, so there we are). Due to the promotion of my book in London (actually I sold 5 copies during this trip), my last time in Paris was 6 months ago. In the past 6 months, the Louis Vuitton Foundation has opened and the weather has turned more agreeable.

As I left my friends’ house last Sat night after dinner, I told them that I will be back before the summer. I noticed a unique facial expression, a mix of surprise and shock, on their faces. Hmmm – will see if I mange to self-invite myself for dinner next time (self-invitation is a new talent that I have developed recently).

Last week I attended a conference in Paris and one of presentations was on ageing world population by Dr. Joe Coughlin of AgeLab at MIT in the U.S.

It is not a big surprise that with the advance of medicine and technology we have redefined longevity. It is estimated that an average baby-bloomer will live close to 100 years old. Dr. Coughlin pointed out that more and more people are going back to university after their official retirement to retrain themselves. In addition, there is shortage of experienced staff in many professions that experience is highly valued such as engineering and medicine.

As I walked out of the conference, I saw an increasing demand of research and work on late-adult learning. “Naturally” I also see the application of my book and perhaps a need for a sequel :>

The book Flow ends with an introduction of the idea of having life theme in one’s life.

“The life theme, like a game that prescribes the rules and actions one must follow to experience flow, identifies what will make existence enjoyable. With a life theme, everything that happens will have a meaning – not necessarily a positive one, but a meaning nevertheless.” (p.230)

“The problem of meaning will then be resolved as the individual’s purpose merges with the universal flow” (p.240)

As we are drawing close to the end of the book Flow, here is a quick summary to cultivate and foster flow in oneself:

1)      Setting goals: To be able to experience flow, one must have clear goals to strive for. (p.209)

2)      Becoming immersed in the activity: After choosing a system of action, a person with an autotelic personality grows deeply involved with whatever he is doing. (p.210)

3)      Paying attention to what is happening: Concentration leads to involvement, which can only be maintained by constant inputs of attention.(p.211)

4)      Learning to enjoy immediate experience. The outcome of having au autotelic self-of learning to set goals, to develop skills, to be sensitive to feedback, to know how to concentrate and get involved – is that one can enjoy life even when objective circumstances are brutish and nasty.(p.212-3)

Today I went to a workshop on how to give constructive and effective feedback.
The trainer recommended a good framework called SCARF to assess the emotional “buttons” of the recipient. It can be used to avoid sending the recipient down the downward emotional spiral if we know what is important to him/her.
S = Status – my relative importance to others
C = Certainty – my ability to predict the future
A = Autonomy – my sense of control over the future
R = Relatedness – authenticity, my sense of safety with others (in group/out group)
F = Fairness – my sense of a fair exchange