Tomorrow night I am going to attend my executive assistant/friend Gary’s 25+ birthday party. I was told that blatant promotion of my book (or myself for that matter) will not be taken kindly. Well, it is always a bit of dilemma with me when it comes to the promotion of my book which is close to my heart. All I will say is I will simply harness the flow and my work will speak for itself.

I am not sure if other people experience this at all. My guess this is probably common.
Whenever the escalator is not working and I need to step on or off a stationary escalator, my feet behave as if the escalator is moving based on muscle memory. I actually need to force myself to “overwrite” that memory in order not to stumble over. I think like many habits or patterns in our life that we are used to, getting rid of them is no picnic. “Old habits die hard!”. However, it is not impossible.

In my words, copycat is someone that follows what you do without giving you credit or asking for your permission. I have had a case up-close and personal recently. A friend of mine who initially discouraged me on my new endeavor and did not help me in my effort suddenly “followed” me and told me she had been “along” wanted to do it. Right!
My advice:
1) The world is large enough for you and your copycats. Don’t get too stressed over it. Handle it with grace and good manner.
2) Despite no credit given to you, consider the copycat is inspired by you and be proud of your very self. Yes!
3) Turn around and help him/her if she/he asks for help. I helped my friend when she asked for help and told her that is what friends are for (though she did not help me before).
4) Don’t be a copycat and always give credit to people that inspire you. Ask for permission if it is needed.

The second half of the key points:
6) The manager’s job isn’t to motivate.
7) The talent needs to trust each other more than it needs to trust the manager
8) Improve the talent
9) 99 per cent of recruitment is about who you don’t sign
10) Accept that the talent will eventually leave
11) Gauge the moment when a talent reaches his peak

One recent article from the FT weekend magazine caught my attention. Its title is ”Talent Management – What can we learn from football?”
This lesson is pertaining to managing successful football teams in Europe. Though I don’t agree 100% with all the points raised, it has generated some inspiring thoughts.
Here is the first half of the key points:
1) Big talent usually comes with a big ego. Accept it.
2) Look for big egos that have “got over themselves”
3) Single out and praise those who make sacrifices for the organization
4) The manager shouldn’t aspire to dominate the talent
5) Ask the talent for advice – but only for advice

It did not realize how important the quality of one’s voice is until my friends told me the following 2 stories.
1) A young lady in her mid-20’s has difficulty for being taken seriously at her work place even though she is knowledgeable in her field because she talks like a 12-year old girl.
2) Another lady has quite a nasal voice put some people off because she comes across as a nagging woman even though it may not be the case.

I am not a voice expert, but I think having an unprofessional voice can be a disadvantage. It is the subconscious of audience that one is fighting against and that is difficult for the audience to change.

I have had a few setbacks on friendship recently.
Despite the disappointment and let-down, there is a lesson to be learned.
To sum it up in a bit of a cliché phrase, there are “50 shades of friendship”.
To elaborate, I think managing one’s expectation is important. We all live within certain parameters of our own expectations.  One should bear in mind that friendship is not binary; rather it is closer to a spectrum with “best friends” and “total strangers” at each end.  In addition, we also need to bear in mind that reciprocity is not a necessary condition. Furthermore, the perception of friendship between the 2 parties may be very different.  Last but not least, friendship is a journey and there will be ups and downs.

So I told my very good self, “Hang in there and smile, Raymond!”

Viv Thackray suggested the following four steps to develop a growth mindset.

Follow these four steps to develop a growth mindset:
Step 1: Learn to hear your fixed mindset inner dialogue, typical fixed mindset comments that you might say to yourself are,“Maybe you don’t have the talent?” or “You’ll fail, so why bother?”

Step 2: Recognise that you have a choice in how you respond to such criticism, challenges or setbacks. The choice is yours, you can maintain a fixed mindset or adopt a growth mindset.

Step 3: Talk back to your fixed mindset inner dialogue with a growth mindset voice. A typical growth mindset response to a criticism might be, “Most successful people had failures on their way” or “If I don’t try I automatically fail.”

Step 4: Adopt a growth mindset approach by committing to:
* take on the challenge wholeheartedly
* learn from your setbacks and try again
* hear the criticism and choose a growth mindset response, your mindset is up to you

By chance, I came across some interesting information on Positive Psychology posted by Viv Thackray, a positive psychologist and trainer in London.
Mindset is a simple yet groundbreaking idea from the field of positive psychology. Psychologist and world renowned mindset expert, Carol Dweck, has spent decades researching achievement and success. Dweck’s research reveals that we all possess either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. It’s possible to have a growth mindset in some areas of life and a fixed mindset in others. Mindset has a profound effect on motivation to learn.

Those with a growth mindset believe:
* intelligence, talent and ability are just the starting point, with effort they can be developed
* we are capable of improving all areas of our lives by developing our strengths
* failure hurts but isn’t defining
* the effort and process of learning are enjoyable
* you can always learn from setbacks and use them to develop
* successes are to be celebrated

Those with a fixed mindset believe:
* intelligence, abilities and talents are fixed and cannot be changed
* success is created by innate talent
* success = superiority
* effort makes no difference to ability
* failure is all defining and results in a fear of being judged
* people with a fixed mindset have less ability to bounce back from setbacks because they believe failure defines them

It is obvious to me from the start that the life of a life coach (ironically) can be difficult. Over lunch with a friend who went to a coaching discover day confirmed that it is quite a competitive field. In addition, quality differentiation is very difficult as it is dominantly based on soft skills and qualification is not uniformly regulated in the industry.

Despite that, I still think it is important to pursue one’s interest and follow one’s heart. I still have not decided what to do after my coaching qualification. However, to me, the journey has started and my heart will lead the way.