50 Shades of Friendship: My friends’ support came in so many different ways spreading throughout a wide spectrum. There were surprises on the upside as well as the downside. I think it is important to realize and accept that your friends have no obligation to help you in the way that you expected. One can’t realistically demand equality in a friendship (though working towards that goal is healthy). Fortunately, my book has not been a stumbling block to any of my friendship after personal disappointment being dealt with and overcome.

Everyone is different but equal. This point hit home to me during the past year in promoting my book. Every reader or potential purchaser of my book is equally important and is treated with the same respect. At the same time, different people have different reasons for purchasing my book, ranging from “getting me off their back” to genuinely interested in the content of my book. I have learned to respect them equally as one copy sold is one copy sold.
As some people say, “A customer is always right!” Not sure in reality if the customer is right or not but at least he/she needs to feel respected and appreciated. :>

First of all, to conclude the first year of my book publication, I am very pleased with experiences that I probably would not have had without the book. To recount a few of them.
1) Many people including myself were surprised by my sales skills (hard sell or not) and enthusiasm. I took a day off last year going to different book stores asking them to sell my book there.
It in itself was quite an interesting experience.
2) I asked a few restaurants and cafes to let me put my promotional posters and cards. The managers were very supportive. I felt very much encouraged.
3) I was promoting my book at every possible opportunity that I was “banned” by my friends to mention it during future social events. How inconsiderate (I meant them, not me obviously :>)!

Today marks the beginning of the 10-day period before the FIRST anniversary of my book publication. I did promise to use the first year after the publication to review and then decide what my next steps are. Therefore, to be myself “on the spot”, I will share some of my thoughts in the next remaining 9 days. Yes, I am keeping the suspense :> Please be patient.

Do you remember the time that you waited for a major decision to be announced? For example, an exam result or a job offer. That waiting time can be daunting and we can feel somehow helpless about it. On this subject, I have a few suggestions:
1) “Bottle” it – Once you have decided there is nothing more you can do about it, leave it alone. Avoid being obsessive and waste your time on something that you don’t have influence on the outcome.
2) Balance – Keep your life in balance by paying attention to all aspects of life.
3) Reasonable preparation – Be prepared for plan b, c, d.., but don’t over-analyze it.
4) Make the best out of it – Use the “waiting” time wisely, make every minute counts. Don’t let your anxiety of waiting make time slip through your fingers.

Ok – Get moving now. Yes, I am talking to YOU :>

Continuing on the subject of presentation, another good point from the discussion group is staying relaxed during the presentation. One experienced presenter pointed out it is important to stay relaxed during the presentation which helps to fuel spontaneity and avoid being “frozen” when things don’t go the way as planned. Being relaxed facilitates our creativity including improvisation and “thinking on your feet”.

Last night the subject of presentation came up among my friends, one common difficulty is losing anchor point during the presentation.
For example, someone in the audience throws you a tough question or you perceive a lack of interest among the audience. It probably depends on individual presenters as we have different sensitivities towards “disturbance”. One suggestion made which I found useful is to “contain the damage” and move on. Use the technique of “containment”, i.e., isolate the incident mentally from your mind and emotion, to make your bounce back to the flow of the presentation much more easily and seamlessly.

Last night an unpleasant telephone conversation broke out between a bank customer service representative (Bank) and me (RY).
This is an extract of the conversation.
RY: “Please don’t raise your voice at me. After all, I am a customer!”
Bank: “That is my normal voice. I am not raising my voice at you.”
RY: “Well, at the receiving end of your voice, I feel that you are raising your voice at me.”
Bank: “That is my normal voice.”
RY: “Perhaps you should have some feedback on what you sound like.”

Well – to be fair, there are lessons for both ends of the conversation.
For “Bank”, she should collect feedback on how she sounds on the phone in particular when explaining a complicated case of inquiry.
For “RY”, he should learn other ways to deal with people that come across as rude or arrogant besides telling them off.

“I used to …”

I found myself among other more mature people using such a phrase “I used to …”. There are at least a few interpretations to the usage of such phrase.

1) The person is missing the past, in particular, something he/she was able to do, but not anymore.
2) The person has a fond memory of a particular element or event in the past.
3) The person is trying to point out and/or suggest things should be done in a certain way (like the good old days).
4) The person has changed and “transformed” into a different person (in a positive way).

Regardless of what the intention is, let us focus on the presence and the future. Leave our fond memory behind us and use it to propel us to become better and stronger.

I was in Paris for approximately 24 hours (23 hours and 56 minutes to be exact). I managed to avoid the long queue (well, I can’t tell you all my secrets, can I?) and stayed at the Lourve for 2 hours. Then I went for a 3-course lunch and recharged myself for a “power shopping” (meaning very efficient shopping). The evening ended with a big dinner and half a bottle of rose wine. To end my voyage, I had breakfast at my favorite local café followed by a glass of rose wine over lunch on the Eurostar back to London.

In short, I am still in love with Paris after the quick “fix”. Yes, we can round up the hours and call it 24 hours (what is 4 minutes between friends!).