In multiple occasions, I found having “thick skin like an elephant” can be useful.
1) Learning something new: Little children are not afraid of being laughed at. They learn new skills and languages without much fear and hesitation. That is one of the best attitudes in learning.
2) Meeting new people: Not afraid of “rejection” and taking the first step to meet new people is pivotal in making new friends.
3) Conflict resolution: Not afraid to confront as well as admit one’s mistakes.
4) Exploring new opportunities: It may require talking to different people, networking and not afraid of failures.
5) Resilience/Determination: Be determined to get to the bottom of issues/problems regardless what others may think.

The second model that I would like to share on the topic of adapting to changes is the 4-step approach developed by Susan David.
Step 1: Recognize your patterns – The first step in developing emotional agility is to notice when you have been hooked by your thoughts and feelings.
Step 2: Label your thoughts and emotions – When you are hooked emotionally, the attention you give your thoughts and feelings crowds your mind; there is no room to examine them. One strategy that may help you consider your situation more objectively is the simple act of labeling your emotions (e.g. happiness, anger, bitterness..)
Step 3: Accept your feelings and emotions – The opposite of control is acceptance – not acting on every thought or resigning yourself to negativity but responding to your ideas and emotions with an open attitude, paying attention to them and letting yourself experience them. Avoid making any judgments on them and beat yourself up emotionally.
Step 4: Act ion your values – When you unhook yourself psychologically from your difficult thoughts and emotions, you can then expand your choices and consider alternatives. Take time to reflect and ponder on how your emotions and feelings linked to your values (core beliefs). You can decide to act in a way that aligns with your values. Essentially that would allow you to act differently in the future.

Recently in a casual conversation with a friend, she said, “My friend Victoria (not the real name) is brilliant in every single way and lives such a perfect life. I found it hard to find a single aspect of my entire life that I am better than her!”. After a long second of silence, I said, “You are you and she is she. Everyone’s experiences and personal journeys are unique and special. We have only one life to live. There is no need to compare with others to feel better or worse. There is value on having points of reference in life, but we don’t need to attach our joy and happiness to them.”

Experience one life as richly as possible

I think I must have mentioned it in the past, but please excuse me for reiterating : Every reader (of my book) counts.
In March and April, I have sold one copy of my book each month via Amazon. I am happy about it as I appreciate every copy and reader. I am inferring that 2 people are interested in the subject of adult learning and my opinions and thus have bought my book. For that, I am pleased and one person (one copy) at a time!

I attended a workshop on the topic of adapting to changes last week. I would like to share 2 models that I learned from there. The first one is called The Mastery Model developed by Bennett and Bush.
There are 5 stages in the process of change adaptation.
Stage 1 [Awareness] – Understands that a change is likely. Has insight about self in relationship to the change.
Stage 2 [Acceptance] – Engages in the new role or change. Commits to shifting mindsets and behaviors because of the change.
Stage 3 [Adoption] – Actively engages in the new change mindsets, behaviors. Acquires or develops the capabilities to perform in the change.
Stage 4 [Integration] – Blends the mindsets behaviors and capabilities in order to make the new performance “neutral”. Links changes into existing processes, policies for sustainment.
Stage 5 [Mastery]: Continues to develop the capacity to make additional changes; reflective competence. Applies the development in new and different contexts (i.e. future changes).

I think it is helpful to monitor yourself and identify your current stage among the 5 stages. In addition, many people forget about the final stage of Mastery. It is important to reflect and use it as a lesson for future changes (inevitable) after all is set and down.

I am going to attend a life coaching seminar next Wednesday on how to adapt to changes in life.
Before that, I would like to make some personal notes on the subject and then “compare notes” after the event. Sound good?
1) Acknowledgement: The first step to adapting to changes is to acknowledge that changes will come your way and it may or may not be what you expected.
2) Understanding: Try to understand what changes are coming and the causes. Be careful not to over-analyze it nor stress yourself out. Sometimes the answers may not be there.
3) Ask the control questions: These questions related to control may be helpful. a) What are all the factors affecting the changes? b) What are the ones you can control? c) What are the ones you can’t control? d) What are the ones that you are trying to control? e) What actions/ changes do you need to take on the subject of control?
4) What kind of attitude/mentality would you like to have in the process of changes?
5) What are the milestones/sign posts for self-reflection?
6) Keep a journal of the changes and how you feel.
7) Think of plan B without overdoing it nor getting distracted.
8) Find/Form a support group.
9) Treat it as a valuable experience. It will be helpful later on in life as changes are inevitable.

First of all, instead of calling it “beating the Monday blues”, I would call it “dancing with the Monday blues” (will be explained later).
As today is Monday, this very thought of Monday blues came to my mind and I would make the following suggestions:
1) Acknowledge its existence if it affects you at all; otherwise this blog does not apply to you.
2) Go to bed earlier on Sunday night in anticipation of a new week.
3) Arrange something to cheer yourself up. For example, you may want to have dinner with friends in the Monday evening. Give yourself a treat.
4) Not to overwhelm yourself with a lot of tasks (meetings) to tire you out on the first working day of the week (for most people).
5) Reframe Monday blues to mitigate its negative association. You may call it Monday special instead of Monday blues (to be more neutral). It is quite personal and the idea is to make it more neutral instead of negative. By calling it “dancing with the Monday blues” instead of “beating the Monday blues” is another example. Dancing is more positive than beating as we don’t need to frame it as a battle.
6) Look at it with a more positive light. It is the fresh beginning of a week and there is hope of a new start. It will lead to another weekend.

On that note, happy Monday to all :>

Last Friday I had dinner with an ex-client who finished a year life coaching work with me. She said she had made very good progress on something we had discussed before and she gave me a few examples to support that. I congratulated her on her progress. Then she added that one recent incident made her realize that she still had room for improvement. I told her that the word “progress” in itself means it is a continuous process and as long as she is moving in the right direction, that means she is progressing. In addition, I encouraged her to celebrate her achievements (big and small) along the way to give herself acknowledgement as well as confidence.

I am not knowledgeable nor keen on politics in general, not to mention French politics. However, the emotional intelligence of the front-running presidential candidate Emmanuel Macron caught my attention.
It was reported that (I did not watch the debate) he managed to stay very focused and calm at the crucial presidential multiple-way public debate a few weeks ago running into the first round of election though he had the least media training among the participants. More recently (actually last Wednesday), the other candidate Le Pen was trying to ambush him at his visit to a closing appliance factory. Again he kept a cool head and shook hand with all the workers there instead of having a head-on collision with the opposition.
I would be most proud if I were his life coach :> The way to go Macron!

A friend of mine has asked me for advice on how to network in a big group with mostly strangers. My suggestions are:
B = Be yourself and genuine.
L = Listen to others besides talking about yourself.
O = Open-minded. Avoid pre-judging others.
W = Warm and welcoming. Be kind and warm to others.

In addition, I wrote a blog on a similar subject a few months ago titled P.E.N.
P = Positivity. Always start and stay positive towards others.
E = Equality. Think of others as equal to you, no more and no less.
N = Neutrality.