I was in Paris last week and was urged by two French friends to try the gallette (apparently quite a celebrated regional specialty in Brittany) for lunch at the local creperie after being corrected that it is actually a meal and not a dessert.

I arrived on my own at the creperie with excitement for the adventure. I politely asked the waitress to recommend the signature dish of the “house”. She suggested “Boudin Noir” after dutifully counter-checked with her colleague. My dish with 8 pieces of “black sausage” arrived in 10 minutes and I sank my teeth (literally) into it with tremendous enthusiasm. To my surprise, the texture of the sausage was not what I had expected. I took a deep breath and told my very good self that I needed to finish it with a very open mind. And I did it with such courage and dignity!

Came Monday morning and I recounted my experience to a French colleague. She asked me if I knew what the sausage was made of. I replied “non”. She burst into laughters and said it was made of PIG’S BLOOD! It was what the English called Black Pudding! It was no pudding to me :s

Emotional regulation is the first resilience factor from the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte.
“Emotion Regulation is the ability of stay calm under pressure. Resilient people use a well-developed set of skills that help them to control their emotions, attention, and behavior. Self-regulation is important for forming intimate relationships, succeeding at work, and maintaining physical health. People who have difficulty regulating their emotions often emotionally exhaust their partners at home and are difficult to work with. Research shows that people who lack the ability to regulate their emotions have a hard time building and maintaining friendships. There are probably many reasons why this is so, the most basic of which is that negativity is a turnoff. The more you associate with the angry, sullen, and anxious, the more angry, sullen, and anxious you become.”

There is a time for everything. The key is have control over your own emotions, in particular the negative ones and avoid spilling them over to others while keeping the positive energy going strong!

Resilience is the ability to handle difficult situations and circumstances, and to rise above them becoming stronger and better. It is more important than ever in this world full of uncertainties and changes.

I am reading an excellent book called “The Resilience Factor” by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte. I would like to share some of wisdom of the book in the next few blogs.

The authors Karen and Andrew identify these seven key components of resilience in their book:
1) Emotion regulation – the ability to stay calm under pressure
2) Impulse control – the ability not to act out of one’s impulse
3) Optimism – believe that things can change for the better
4) Casual Analysis – the ability to accurately identify the causes of their problems
5) Empathy — the ability to read other people’s cues to their psychological and emotional states
6) Self-efficacy – our sense that we are effective in the world
7) Reaching out – the ability to reach out to others and have a positive impact on their lives

As some of you might have noticed, I was “inactive” on my blogging during the last couple of weeks. Excuses/Resaons aside (that in itself probably requires a few blogs to elaborate. Let us not get there…) I have decided to break the inertia by simply doing what I am doing now – posting a blog.
I do apologize for not having much of content this time. Well, as some people suggested, one way to overcome a “writer’s block” is to start writing (anything at all). Ok, I considered the “spell” has been broken. Raymond is back. Watch this space for more food for thought and/or taste of eccentricity!

On the back of my previous blog on coping with the heat wave, a good friend of mine has made some excellent suggestions.
1) Take (additional) cold shower(s) if needed to cool down. If personal hygiene allows, use minimum/no soap to save water.
2) Put a small wet towel around your neck if social etiquette allows (probably at one’s own home)
3) To reduce the temperature of your flat/house, block as much light as possible entering it during the day and let in as much cooler air at night.

Being a resident of London, I reckon I should not be complaining too much about the recent hot weather. And yet it happened twice this year already. Close to 30 degrees Celsius without air conditioning (AC) can be a challenge.
Some of my suggestions to cope with it are:
1) Get out of town: Go to the beach/coast/lake/pond where it is cooler and closer to the water.
2) Go swimming to cool yourself down.
3) Don’t forget sunblock if you are outdoor unless you want to look like a lobster afterwards.
4) Wear appropriate clothing: Wear something light and of bright colors.
5) Drink plenty of water.
6) Stay out till sunset if your residence has no AC (most than 90% of the cases in London).
7) Use an electric fan (you can even buy a small chargeable one and carry it along with you where you go – apparently “fashionable” in Asia).
8) Watch a movie at a cinema where it is well-equipped with AC.

Please send in your suggestions. I have the sense that a few more heat waves are coming our way.

In multiple occasions, I found having “thick skin like an elephant” can be useful.
1) Learning something new: Little children are not afraid of being laughed at. They learn new skills and languages without much fear and hesitation. That is one of the best attitudes in learning.
2) Meeting new people: Not afraid of “rejection” and taking the first step to meet new people is pivotal in making new friends.
3) Conflict resolution: Not afraid to confront as well as admit one’s mistakes.
4) Exploring new opportunities: It may require talking to different people, networking and not afraid of failures.
5) Resilience/Determination: Be determined to get to the bottom of issues/problems regardless what others may think.

The second model that I would like to share on the topic of adapting to changes is the 4-step approach developed by Susan David.
Step 1: Recognize your patterns – The first step in developing emotional agility is to notice when you have been hooked by your thoughts and feelings.
Step 2: Label your thoughts and emotions – When you are hooked emotionally, the attention you give your thoughts and feelings crowds your mind; there is no room to examine them. One strategy that may help you consider your situation more objectively is the simple act of labeling your emotions (e.g. happiness, anger, bitterness..)
Step 3: Accept your feelings and emotions – The opposite of control is acceptance – not acting on every thought or resigning yourself to negativity but responding to your ideas and emotions with an open attitude, paying attention to them and letting yourself experience them. Avoid making any judgments on them and beat yourself up emotionally.
Step 4: Act ion your values – When you unhook yourself psychologically from your difficult thoughts and emotions, you can then expand your choices and consider alternatives. Take time to reflect and ponder on how your emotions and feelings linked to your values (core beliefs). You can decide to act in a way that aligns with your values. Essentially that would allow you to act differently in the future.

Recently in a casual conversation with a friend, she said, “My friend Victoria (not the real name) is brilliant in every single way and lives such a perfect life. I found it hard to find a single aspect of my entire life that I am better than her!”. After a long second of silence, I said, “You are you and she is she. Everyone’s experiences and personal journeys are unique and special. We have only one life to live. There is no need to compare with others to feel better or worse. There is value on having points of reference in life, but we don’t need to attach our joy and happiness to them.”

Experience one life as richly as possible

I think I must have mentioned it in the past, but please excuse me for reiterating : Every reader (of my book) counts.
In March and April, I have sold one copy of my book each month via Amazon. I am happy about it as I appreciate every copy and reader. I am inferring that 2 people are interested in the subject of adult learning and my opinions and thus have bought my book. For that, I am pleased and one person (one copy) at a time!