I visited Rotterdam last weekend and was very much inspired by the history of the city. Because of its strategic position as the major port in the Netherlands, it was targeted at the second world war and bombed close to the ground. However, when it was time to rebuild the city, they decided to apply avant garde and modern architecture. Nowadays Rotterdam is a vibrant and young city (fueled by the presence of University of Rotterdam) known for its modern architecture.

In our personal life, sometimes we may reach “rock bottom” and need to start all over again. Let’s learn from Rotterdam and take that opportunity to reinvent ourselves into someone different and remarkable.

Recently a few people have told me about their experience of what we called “a backhand compliment”. In my own words, it means an apparent compliment with a subtle negative connotation/meaning behind it. Take an extreme example, someone “compliments” an American saying “your English is as good as the English.”
Well, my advice:
1) Take a compliment as its face value first. Every compliment has an element of praise and goodness.
2) Don’t over analyze it. It is not good for your soul to dwell on it. Moving on.
3) Say thank you to the giver of compliment as he/she made the effort to offer it to you.
4) Finally, yes-you deserve the compliment.
The more the merrier 🙂

Last week I watched the new movie American Assassin with high expectation. Unfortunately, I was almost “killed” by disappointment.

Without disclosing too much of the plot in case some of my blog readers may see it despite my negative review. (Don’t say I did not warn you!) I will summarize in a few words: Banality (plot and characters), recycling of other movies, average actings (except Michael Keaton) and action sequences. I think I made my point.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.41-43)
“Casual analysis is a term we use to refer to people’s ability to accurately identify the causes of their problems” “… the most resilient people are those who have cognitive flexibility and can identify all the significant causes of adversities they face, without being trapped in any specific explanatory style. They are realists in that they do not ignore the factors that are permanent and pervasive. They also don’t reflexively blame others for their mistakes in order to preserve their self-esteem or absolve themselves of guilt. Nor do they waste their valuable reserves of resilience ruminating about events or circumstances outside their control. They channel their problem-solving resources into the factors that they can control, and, through incremental change, they begin to overcome, steer through, and reach out.”

Critical and objective thinking is important to identify the causes of problems. In addition, discussing with others (friends and family or a life coach) may help.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.40 & p.56)
“Resilient people are optimistic. They believe that things can change for the better. They have hope for the future and believe that they control the direction of their lives.” “Realistic optimism is the ability to maintain a positive outlook without denying reality, actively appreciating the positive aspects of a situation without ignoring the negative aspects. It means aspiring and hoping for positive outcomes, and working toward those outcomes, without assuming that those outcomes are a foregone conclusion. Realistic optimism does not assume that good things will happen automatically. It is the belief that good things may happen and are worth pursuing but that effort, problem solving, and planning are necessary to bring them about.”

Being realistically optimistic means you believe better results will arrive if you work hard and make an effort to achieve. You will find a solution if things don’t work out as you hoped for.

A friend of mine has recently beset with some minor ailments without apparent causes even after consulting his family doctor. That reminded me of a book I read last year called “The body has a mind of its own” by Sandra Blakeslee and Matthew Blakeslee. In a nutshell, the book suggests that our (physical) body can “think” and react in a way sometimes different than our mind and/or emotion.
I am not an expert in that field, but I boldly advised my friend on the following points:
1) Reflect on what happened to him recently (such as work, family, relationship and world). The technique of mindfulness can be useful here.
2) Thank his body for sending out warning signals (in terms of minor ailments). It can be much worse if he does not pay attention to his body. Don’t get upset at his body. It is doing its job.
3) Ask his body gently how to restore its stability. Wait patiently and listen attentively for answer(s). It could be sleeping more, going for a walk, listening to his favorite music and enjoying his favorite/comfort food. (This is on top of seeking medical advice from his doctor).
4) Allow time to establish a conversation with his body and let his body restore to normal condition.
5) Appreciate this opportunity to develop an additional tool (a dialogue with his body) for a better health (physical, psychological and mental).

The second factor is impulse control from the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte. (p.39-40)
“It makes intuitive sense that emotion regulation and impulse control are closely related, and our analyses bear this out – people who are strong on the Resilience Quotient factor of impulse control also tend to be high on emotion regulation. We believe that the connection in these areas exists because they tap into similar belief systems in us. So if your impulse control is low, you will accept your first impulsive belief about the situation as true and act accordingly. Often this produces negative consequences that can hamper your resilience.”

Yesterday the subject of “career path” came up in a conversation and it dawned on me that there is a predominant view about it.
Let us take a moment to ponder a bit on it.

A path means a journey or an experience in a broad sense. The word in itself does not imply “climbing up the corporate ladder” though it is a popular perception. The latter is more specifically referred to as career advancement, but not just career path.

In a pure sense, a career path like happiness itself is a personal matter. Someone may choose a career path to work on a different career every few years while someone else may prefer to stay at the same job for the rest of his/her life. It is definitely not a case of one-size-fits-all (“moving up” is only one of the many possibilities). There are certainly influences (implicit or explicit) from different sources including the society, peers and family to conform, but one should be encouraged to be different if one chooses to be so.

Last Thursday I was on a return flight from Amsterdam Schipol airport back to London. The original 7pm flight was delayed and then eventually canceled around 9:30pm. I was rescheduled for 7am flight the next morning and sent to an airport hotel by a shuttle bus. Despite such misfortune, I would like to acknowledge KLM for doing a few things right.
1) Hotel arrangement:
a) A separate line at the hotel reception was designated for all the “stranded” passengers’ with a full name list prepared. I was called “Stranded KLM #1” on the hotel access card.
b) Buffet dinner with hot meals (though no wine) was arranged at 10:15pm.
c) Buffet breakfast was set at 4am. The pastries were excellent.
2) Flight rebooking: I was automatically rebooked for the next available flight with an aisle seat (like my original flight)

Alright – Flight delays and cancellations do happen, but the way the airline handles it makes a huge difference. In my case, KLM did it with the Dutch efficiency :>

Again I could not contain my happiness though it was not a big deal.
Two copies of my book sold online in July:>
One printed copy was sold in the U.S. and one electronic copy was purchased in Portugal.
I am very happy as my book is still “out there”, and there are copies sold via Amazon from time to time.
Slowly but surely “conquering” the world one copy at a time 🙂