After my last blog, I have received some feedback from my blog-readers who share my view on the third stage of life (after mid-life). The next question is why we feel that way when we reach mid-life. Didn’t someone say “mid-life crisis”!. There are many reasons as our feeling is a subjective matter, but here are some suggestions.
1) I achieved what I had wanted in life (career, wealth, relationship, family..). What is next?
2) I didn’t achieve what I had wanted in life so far. Is it still possible with my “prime” years behind me?
3) My physically-strong years are over. I have started facing (big or small) health issues. I am not used to that 🙁
4) My energy level has changed and dropped to a low level and I have lost many interests in what I do.
5) I look into the mirror and I don’t like what I see anymore. What can I do beyond Botox and the like?
6) I started to experience sickness and death more “up-close and personal” which can be heart-breaking.
7) I don’t like how other people treat me like a senior/old person. I an’t that old, you know!

My thoughts to these statements/comments will come soon.

Recently the topic of how we perceive the passage of time has been popular among my friends.
We unanimously agreed that before and during our teen years, we couldn’t wait to grow up. Between young adulthood and middle age, the speed of time seemed to be normal. Some commented that once they are “over the hill”, it felt like a high speed free fall from there.
I think we could not wait to grow up with the anticipation of receiving freedom as an adult. The second stage (between young adulthood and middle age) is trying to reach an equilibrium among independence, freedom, responsibilities, opportunities and maturity. The third stage is a rather complicated one. However, I believe there are many stereotypes and biases associated with this stage of life. For some reason, some people think we enter a “slow” state and feel like being drifted away with time instead of taking the driver’s seat. I would like to explore a bit more on this topic. Not intended to throw in a “cliff-hanger”, but to be continued.

I wish you all a Happy New Year and all the best in 2018. May your 2018+ be filled with wonders, joy, happiness, good health and colors 🙂

Today a friend of mine discussed with me about his work situation and he concluded with a sigh, “Well, I will let nature take its course!”. I asked, “what NATURE are you refer to?”.
To me, there are at least 2 dimensions to the word “nature” in the expression “Let NATURE take its course.”
The first common one is the meaning of circumstances and “going with the flow”. The second and more subtle one refers to our own nature and default personality. In other words, it is our natural tendency and mentality of dealing with such a situation. When we decide on “letting nature take its course”, we should be mindful what we are referring to.
We may not have a large influence on the circumstances and what happened/will happen to us, but we probably have a much more meaningful impact on how to react and cope with it (the second “nature”).

During my trip to Hong Kong, I had breakfast with a high school friend who holds a senior position in the field of social work. We talked about the “old” days and how things are today. She made a thought-provoking comment – “Our destiny is determined, to a certain extent, by our personality.”

My friend elaborated that there are opportunities in life for everyone and the way we act upon them creates a chain of reactions which ultimately leads to our destiny. In addition, our attitude towards seeking opportunities as well as crisis management reflect our personalities. There are other factors that affect our destiny. However, if we (never too late) want to change the course of our destiny, our personality may be an area of interest and significant impact.

Last Friday, I left for Hong Kong right after work from London. After passing through the security check at the Heathrow airport, I realized that I had lost my employee i.d. card. There were a few possibilities including the car service and airline check-in counter.
I phoned the car service and nothing was found. After that, I went to the Cathy Pacific lounge and the staff was very kind to call the check-in counters. After 3 minutes, she reported that “Someone must be watching over you. Your card has been found!”. The reassurance of “someone is watching over me” is more rewarding than finding my card:)

For the next 2 weeks, I will be visiting Hong Kong catching up with my friends and family there.
Some of my friends are my childhood friends that I have known for decades.
I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to pose some thought-provoking questions as well as obtain some feedback from them.
1) What is one of important lessons learned in your life?
2) What is one of memorable moments in your life?
3) In facing changes and uncertainties in life, what are the key elements to succeed from your own experience?
4) If you won a lottery of 5 million USD, what would you do?
5) If you had only 1 year more to live, what would you do?
6) (Feedback): Based on your knowledge of me (Raymond), please name one of my strengths.
7) (Feedback): Based on your knowledge of me (Raymond), please name one of my areas of improvement.
8) (Feedback): Please offer one word of advice (to Raymond).

Look out – Raymond is going to “pick your brain”!

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.46), the last of the 7 factors is reaching out.
“Resilience also enables us to enhance the positive aspects of life. Resilience is the source of our ability to reach out, and a surprising number of people can’t do it”

There are various reasons for not reaching out. For some people, it may be a matter of trust. For others, it may be an issue of pride. The list can go on. Recently, I have discussed with a friend of starting a club of Positive Energy for the like-minded people (tribe) to encourage each other as well as expand the positive circle of influence. Free membership :>

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a good friend’s wedding. When I arrived, I “bumped” into an acquaintance that I did not see for years. He was with his partner (a young lady). He introduced her to me and asked if I invited anyone to the wedding. I replied, “No, I am happily single”. He looked at me with such disbelief (with a trace of condescension) and said “Really?”. I smiled and said, “REALLY! I am as content and complete, being single or in a relationship.” Fortunately (or unfortunately) someone joined the group and changed the topic and a debate was avoided.

It was not the first time (and won’t be the last) I felt being patronized for being single by people that are married or partnered. I am genuinely very happy for their relationships, but honestly I don’t feel (and should not) inferior nor incomplete because of my own marital status. To me, there should not be a hierarchy of happiness based on your marital status. Happiness is a very subjective and private matter. We should have the freedom to define and enjoy our own happiness. Let us be free and respected.

From the book ‘The Resilience Factor’ by Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte (p.45):
“Self-efficacy is our sense that we are effective in the world. It represents our beliefs that we can solve the problems we are likely to experience and our faith in our in our ability to succeed.” “At work, people who have faith in their ability to solve problems emerge as leaders, while those who aren’t confident about their efficacy find themselves lost in the crowd.”

It usually means the person has a strong sense of independence and self-confidence. He/She tends to build on their successes and learn from his/her mistakes to improve his/her efficacy.